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Q: I'm really worried about my friend. She's been going out with a man who's much older than her. She says she's really happy because he's good looking, has a car and spends loads of money on her. She gets to do things that I'd never be allowed to, like missing school and staying away from home. I'm worried though. We used to be really close, but she doesn't talk to me anymore. She's really secretive and she only does what he wants her to. The worst time was when she went missing for two weeks and didn't tell anyone where she'd been. That's a bit odd isn't it? Do you think she's in trouble? How can I get my friend back or should I back off?
A: You are right to be worried about your friend being in a relationship with an older man. Although it is sometimes fine to have relationships with older people, I can understand why you are concerned about your friend's 'boyfriend'. There are men who target young women and make them feel special by paying them special attention, buying them presents or giving them exciting experiences e.g. staying away from home. They do this as a way of bribing girls to trust them and to make them feel like they owe them something back. Sometimes the men will also put pressure on a girl to break contact with her friends, which is what your friend may be experiencing. The men described may be trying to draw girls into selling sex and becoming dependent on drugs. Once this has happened the special attention and presents will stop and are often replaced with violence.
This is a very difficult situation for a girl to get out of. It is not her fault, although it will be easy for her to blame herself. The law states that she is still a child until she is 18 and that she should be protected from exploitation by the type of men described. She really needs the help of her friends and family, who can go with her to get help from professionals.
If you think this is what is happening to your friend try and keep in contact with her, but also talk to an adult you feel that you can trust e.g. a Learning Mentor, a Personal Adviser, a School Nurse, Teacher or Youth worker.
You can also contact:
Social services: 0114 273 4855
Childline: 0800 11 11
Sheffield Rape and Sexual Abuse Counselling Service: 0114 244 7936 / 261 8990
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